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Trigger Warning:
Contains melancholic
and dark themes
A collaboration between
@chorahae on Instagram
and me(respectively).
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I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ɪғ I ᴛʀɪᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ
ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ʟᴏsᴛ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ
ɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙɪɢ, ʙʟᴜᴇ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴛ; ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ,
ᴅᴀʏs ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ, ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ. I ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ
ᴡʜᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ sᴡɪᴍ ᴏʀ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ
sᴀɴᴅ, ᴘᴇʀʜᴀᴘs ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀ ʙᴜᴛ I ᴡᴀs
sᴏ ᴛʜɪʀsᴛʏ.
Tʜᴇ ᴅᴇsᴘᴀɪʀ ᴄʀᴀᴡʟᴇᴅ ɪᴛs ᴡᴀʏ ᴜᴘ ᴍʏ ᴛʜʀᴏᴀᴛ
ɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ. Yᴏᴜ sᴇᴇ, ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ
ɪs ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ. Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ
ᴡᴇʀᴇ ɢᴏɴᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʀᴀᴠᴇʟ
sᴜᴄʜ ʙᴀʀʀᴇɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ғᴏʀ sᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ, ʀɪɢʜᴛ? Aɴᴅ
ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ.
Eᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ… I ɢᴜᴇss I ᴅɪᴅ.
I ʜᴀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴅᴜsᴋ, ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴛ ᴅᴀᴡɴ.
Sᴏᴍᴇ sᴀʏ I ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ; I ᴅɪsᴀɢʀᴇᴇ. I’ᴍ
ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ sᴜʀᴇ I’ᴠᴇ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ʙᴜʀɪᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ
sᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ sɪɴɢʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ
I ᴋɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ. Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɴᴏɴᴇ
ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴡᴀs ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ I’ᴅ
ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅs ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴄᴋ ᴀɴʏ ᴅᴀʏ.
Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɢᴏɴᴇ. Yᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇs, ɴᴏsᴇ, ʟɪᴘs,
ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ—ɢᴏɴᴇ.
A ᴄʀᴀᴅʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴍʏ ᴡᴇᴀʀʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, I ᴀᴍ.
Aᴅʀɪғᴛ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀs ᴀs sᴀʟᴛʏ ᴀs
ᴛᴇᴀʀs I ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sʜᴇᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ. Lᴏsᴛ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴅɪsᴛʀᴀᴜɢʜᴛ, ғᴏʀ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀs ᴍʏ
Pᴏʟᴀʀɪs. Wʜᴏ ᴀᴍ I ᴛᴏ ʙʟᴀᴍᴇ? Bʟɪɴᴅᴇᴅ ʙʏ
ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴢᴢʟɪɴɢ ɴɪɢʜᴛ sᴋɪᴇs I ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇss ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ.
Hᴏʟᴅɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛs ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ sʜᴀʀᴅs ʟɪᴋᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ
ᴘᴀᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ ᴍᴏsᴀɪᴄ sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴀᴛᴏᴘ ᴍʏ ᴘᴀʟᴍs.
Fᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ.
Aʟᴏɴᴇ, Aᴅʀɪғᴛ.
I sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴍʏ ʟᴜɴɢs ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ. Tʜᴇ
ғᴇʀʀᴏᴜs ғʟᴀᴠᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇsᴛɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴛᴏɴɢᴜᴇ
ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀs ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴀs
ʀᴀɪɴᴅʀᴏᴘs ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴡᴏᴏᴅ. Cᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ғᴏʀ
ʜᴇʟᴘ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴅᴏ I ᴄᴀʟʟ, I ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.
I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ғᴀʀ ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ
ᴡᴀᴠᴇs. Tʀɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜ, ʀᴜɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜ, ʟᴇғᴛ
ʙʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ
sʜᴀʀᴅs sᴛᴀʙʙɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ sɪᴛ ɪɴ. I
ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴀ sʜɪɴɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ
ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀʙᴏᴠᴇ: ᴍʏ Pᴏʟᴀʀɪs ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀsɴ’ᴛ. Mʏ
ᴛᴇᴀʀs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴅʀɪᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍʏ ғɪɴɢᴇʀs ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ
ɴᴜᴍʙ.
Iᴛ sᴇᴇᴍs ғᴀᴛᴇ ʜᴀs ғᴏʀɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ I ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟʟ
ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴏʀғᴇɪᴛᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ;
ʜᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴ ᴀ sɪʟᴠᴇʀ ᴘʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴀ ɢʟᴀss
ᴅᴏᴍᴇ, sᴏ ᴅᴇʟɪᴄᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪɴ, sᴏ ғʀᴀɢɪʟᴇ,
ᴍɪsᴛʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅs. Uɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ
ɪʟʟᴜsɪᴏɴ I’ᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ I ᴀʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ
ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴜsᴛ, ᴛᴏ ғᴀʟʟ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ; ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ
ғᴀʟsᴇ ғᴀçᴀᴅᴇ ᴏғ ᴀɴ ᴀɴɢᴇʟ, I ᴅᴇʟɪᴠᴇʀᴇᴅ
ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ Dᴇᴠɪʟ.
Aɴᴅ ɪᴛ ɪs ғᴀʀ ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏᴘ ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴅ
ǫᴜᴇɴᴄʜ ᴍʏ ᴛʜɪʀsᴛ; ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ғʀᴏᴍ
ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛᴏxɪᴄ I ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ, ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ǫᴜɪᴛ ɪɴʜᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴛᴏxɪɴs. Yᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ.
Mʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴅᴇᴄᴀʏᴇᴅ sʟᴏᴡʟʏ, ᴀɴ ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ
ᴄᴇᴍᴇᴛᴇʀʏ ᴏғ ʙᴏɴᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴜʀ ʙᴏɴᴅ ɢʀᴏᴡɪɴɢ
ᴡᴇᴀᴋᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅᴀɴᴛ I ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ. Iᴛ
sᴇᴇᴍᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴜʀᴛ ᴍᴇ; ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ
ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴀᴅɪsᴛɪᴄ ᴜɴᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ ᴇʏᴇs sᴛᴀʀɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ
ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ᴄʀɪᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ
ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ɪғ I ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢᴇᴅ
ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ.
Yᴏᴜ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴏᴛ, ᴀ ᴘᴏᴏʀ ᴘᴀssᴇɴɢᴇʀ, ᴀ
ᴘᴀssᴇʀɪɴᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅs; I, sᴜᴄʜ ᴀɴ
ɪᴅɪᴏᴛ, ʀᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ.
Yᴏᴜ ʙɪᴛᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ sᴏʀʀᴏᴡ,
ғᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴏғғ ᴍʏ sᴏᴜʟ. Nᴏᴛ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɴɪᴘs ᴛᴏ
ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ʙʟᴜᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴏɴᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ
ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɢᴀᴘɪɴɢ ʜᴏʟᴇs ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴘsʏᴄʜᴇ:
ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴡᴏʀᴅs, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ᴍᴀʀᴋs. Tʜᴇ ʀᴇᴅ
sᴛʀɪɴɢ ᴏғ ғᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛɪᴇᴅ ᴜs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪᴇᴅ ᴜs ʏᴏᴜ
ᴡʀᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴜᴍɴ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ɴᴇᴄᴋ.
Aɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sᴇᴇ ᴍᴇ ɢᴀsᴘɪɴɢ, ɢʀᴏᴘɪɴɢ,
ʀᴇᴀᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴜsᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ ᴀ
ɴᴏᴡ ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ sʜᴇʟʟ, ᴛᴏ ᴀɪᴅ.
Pᴇᴇʟ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴏᴛᴛɪɴɢ sᴋɪɴ, sᴄᴀᴠᴇɴɢᴇ ᴏғғ
ᴏғ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ’s ʟᴇғᴛ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ I’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ,
ᴜɴᴛɪʟ I’ᴍ ɴᴏ ᴍᴏʀᴇ. Gᴀᴜɢᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɴᴇʀᴠᴇ
ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʟɪɴɢs ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ʙᴏɴᴇs. Yᴏᴜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴅ
ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ’s ɴᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ʙᴜᴛ
ᴅᴜsᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴏᴏʀ.
Oʜ sᴡᴇᴇᴛ Mᴀᴅɴᴇss, ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.
Sᴛʀɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴍʏ ɴᴜᴍʙɴᴇss, ʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ
ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍʏ ғᴀʟʟ.
Iᴛ’s ᴡɪsʜғᴜʟ ᴛʜɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I’ʟʟ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ
ᴛʜɪs ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀɪᴏᴜs, ʙᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛᴏ
ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇss; I’ᴠᴇ ᴅʀᴏᴡɴᴇᴅ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴀᴍᴏɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ
sʜᴏʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴅᴀʟ ᴡᴀᴠᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ғʟᴀᴍᴇs
ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴡᴀʟʟᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ sᴏ ɪɴᴅɪsᴛɪɴᴄᴛʟʏ.
Dʀᴀᴡɴ ᴛᴏ ɴᴀᴜɢʜᴛ, ᴅʀᴏᴡɴᴇᴅ sᴏ ʜᴏᴘᴇʟᴇssʟʏ.
I ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʙʟᴀᴍᴇ
ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ. Mᴇ, ᴍʏ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴡᴏʀᴅs, ᴍʏ
ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ᴍᴀʀᴋs, ᴍʏ sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴀᴅɴᴇss ᴀɴᴅ ᴍʏ
ʙʟᴜᴇ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴛs ᴀɴᴅ sᴀɴᴅ sᴇᴀs.
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Ambedo
def.
The kind of melancholic trance
in which you become completely
absorbed in vivid sensory detail.
do not copy | reuse |
repost w/o permission.
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Kaonashi's Corner 